Looking back on the little things, still needing to reassure myself it wasn't ALL me.

There were the little things that in the context of the 'relationship' started adding up. I never wanted to fix her. She told me OF her trauma, but no specifics. She was in therapy and I figured that was a positive. I just knew that she was 'mentally ill', which was how she described it. Never actually revealing her diagnoses. Increasingly playing the victim as time went on.

After the honeymoon period I found myself being overloaded with her problems, day after day, a lot of immature ways of looking at what she perceived as negative situations in her life. Of course I wanted to lend an ear and support her. I would offer solutions instinctually and she'd say she didn't need solutions, just someone to vent to. Fair enough, but it was getting old as she'd complain about things without trying to change anything.

And many times after venting to me, she'd hold on the the stories like they were who she was. Going out to meet friends, I had to re-hear again how her boss was terrible (or whatever the situation of the day was) every time we saw another friend and they asked her how she was. I have patience for people in my life going through hardships but it was just such an onslaught of negativity, yet I loved her so I thought that's just what I had to deal with. I got used to being the one to comfort her.

And then one night I am out with friends, just by myself, without her. People she knew and liked and who liked her. She was actually extra charming with these friends of mine. I begin getting texts messages from her about her parents not wanting to visit her. She is apparently sobbing in her car. I text her to come join us to get her mind off of it. She texts I don't get it. This is so tragic and she can't handle it. I text I'm sorry to hear she is experiencing that and she might benefit from coming out to be with me and our friends.

She calls. I go outside to answer, just knowing it will not be pleasant. She is angry and guilt trips me, asking how can I be out while she is experiencing her parents rejection? Telling me that they don't love her, that she is an after thought. I validate her feelings but reassure her that is not the case about her parents. She is angry that I am just leaving her to sob alone. She can't believe I would just let her be alone, saying I'm mocking her by inviting her to hang out and be social to distract herself. How could I?

Of course I succumb to the guilt tripping. I go inside and tell my friends she is having a rough time and I need to go. I get to her house and walk in and she's watching a movie and acts as if nothing happened. I ask if she's okay, she says that she is, she got over it. But she's glad I came over so we can hang out. I just sit there kind of dumbfounded.

This is a little thing perhaps, but not an isolated incident and similar situations began adding up. I could no longer ignore the pattern. I tried to gently assert better boundaries but of course that was an 'insult' and 'offensive' to her. She couldn't handle her perception that I was going to abandon her so she blew it all up so I couldn't leave first.