I lost my best friend

Her name was Bliss and we've had her since I was 12. I chose her name back then, when we found her on the side of the road because she ran away from her abusive owner's home. I never understood how someone could hurt the sweetest dog on earth. For three years now I can only come home on week-ends because of uni, and she would celebrate me every Friday when she saw me. In the evening when I wanted to chill on the couch she would steal my spot. She loved pinecones and would put one on the ground before doing a little turn to indicate she wanted me to throw it. She was scared of thunder and would hide beneath my desk for comfort. She had the cutest white spot on the top of her head and my parents and I used to joke that her head was full of whipped cream that was dropping out there.

On Monday morning my mom drove me to the train station and Bliss was in the car with us to visit the vet afterwards because she hadn't been eating for some days. I told her goodbye thinking I would see her again. Turns out she was bleeding internally and had to be put down and I can't stop thinking about how scared she must have been.

I'm not the type to expose my feelings out in the blue of the Internet but I just can't deal with this. She had many years left to live. One day she was there and now I'm just gonna... not see her again ? It doesn't feel real. It's hard to think about her but trying to think about something else feels like betraying her memory. I know that time will heal and that nothing can be done but I don't know what else there is to do but cry and mourn. I've been reading other posts on here, about pets that disappeared at the same time she did, some of them in similar ways, and it's sort of comforting to know we all share the same pain. I know it's stupid but there's a part of me that says I should get over it. I won't. There won't be a day where I won't miss her. Wherever she is now, I hope she can play with other dogs and chase pinecones and I hope she's waiting for me.