15 years together, but barely any intimacy for the last 8. I’m still wildly attracted to her—she says I don’t satisfy her.

My wife and I have been together for 15 years, married for 12. For the past 8 years or so, our sex life has slowly dwindled to basically nothing. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year at most.

The thing is, I still find her incredibly attractive. Like, genuinely. Her figure is unreal to me and I still catch myself just staring sometimes, thinking how lucky I am. I’m always in the mood for her, but she just… isn’t.

We’ve had a few really tough conversations about it and she told me straight up that I don’t satisfy her sexually. That crushed me, honestly. I asked her what she needs or wants differently, and she just sort of shuts down or gets uncomfortable. It’s like there’s this wall I can’t get past, and I’m left in this weird limbo. I love her, I want her, but I feel completely rejected and powerless.

We get along well otherwise. No major fights, we laugh, we parent well together. We’re affectionate in a day-to-day way—like hugs, touches, even cuddles sometimes—but anything sexual feels off-limits unless she initiates, which is rare.

I’ve tried not pressuring her. I’ve tried communicating. I’ve tried giving her space. I’ve tried being romantic, supportive, everything I can think of. I’m honestly at a loss.

Has anyone else been in a similar place and found a way through it? Or if you didn’t, how did you handle it long-term?