Everything is too much

Im taking sertraline. I feel like im exploding with everything going on around me. My boyfriend and his family just had a screaming match over something so stupid and trivial.....the younger brother hoarding dirty dishes. My boyfriend getting partial blame. Which resulted in the screaming match. I dont believe his parents are supportive personally. I domt get involved in the arguments at all. Last time i did a few years ago i got called a slag by the mom and the whole night was a terrifying nightmare. Rn im sitting in the shed crying. My boyfriend has adhd, and he got so overwhelmed and he was raised to think real men dont cry. While he doesnt believe it, it seems to have engrained itself into his head, and ive seen him cry maybe 3 times in 6 years. Hes only cried when losing friends to suicide....which is too many.

Despite all this, his parents just wont support him. His mom lashes out at everyone for her mood. I grew up with my single mother, and while we werent perfect, my mom has always supported me and treated me with respect. The way this family talks....is heartbreaking. My boyfriend's brother is 17 with functioning autism. Hes one of the most selfish people ive met. I want to believe he loves his brother, but very rarely see proof. And i dont think love means much if you domt show it

Im looking at my last self harm scar from 5 years ago. It was deep. The deepest. The urges are back Crying doesnt help. I really do feel completely hopeless