I can't do it anymore

I’m so sick of trying to “stay positive.”
I’m tired of saying “things will turn around soon.”
I’m tired of pretending I’m okay when I’m constantly on edge, constantly calculating how much longer I can stretch things.

I lost my job in January. It wasn’t even a great job, but it paid the bills. Since then I’ve been applying non-stop. Dozens of applications, interviews that go nowhere, and “we’ll be in touch” emails that never mean anything.

Rent was barely covered this month — I had to sell off some stuff I cared about. Groceries? A friend helped and acted like I was doing him a favor so I wouldn’t feel shitty about it. I appreciated it, but it still made me feel... small.

And now my laptop charger is dying and i have no money for food. I’m trying to teach myself WordPress and do some freelance stuff, but if this thing shuts off for good, I’m stuck. I was supposed to buy a replacement this week, but I had to use that money for a prescription I couldn't skip.

Every little thing just chips away at me. It’s not even about the big problems anymore — it’s death by a thousand cuts. And I’m so goddamn tired of pretending I’m fine.

I don’t even know what I want from this post. I’m just venting. I’m just really f*cking tired