AIO: needing unbiased opinions

Okay, so I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m a sensitive person, so I always second guess my reactions. I ask my best friend’s opinion, but I know she loves me and can’t help but be biased.

My partner and I got into a HUGE fight last year. I discovered that they had left porn playing overnight on their computer, their whole TikTok was comprised of half naked women shaking their asses at the camera (not dancing, literal ass shaking & not just dressed sexy, literally barely able to be posted to TikTok), and they had a folder of random women’s nudes hidden in a folder of their gaming content.

I was hurt. Very hurt. I don’t think we had ever really discussed boundaries with porn and the like before. I never thought we had to because I never thought there would be an issue. It just came naturally to me that such an obsession was not okay. We argued. I told them that it hurt that they barely even spent time with me or touched me but they had so much content of other people SAVED and hidden. (If they didn’t think there was anything wrong, why would they hide it?) I could send a hot photo in lingerie and I could barely get a “nice” back. I even told my partner that my best friend (VERY platonic, neither of us have memories of life before the other one existed, we’re hella close) gassed me up more than they do when I show them sexy/sultry photos that I’ve sent my partner. I explained that this was a non-negotiable boundary for me. I can’t have my partner obsessed with other people like that, especially while hardly touching me and not showing me the affection I’ve craved for years. I told them that if things didn’t change, I’d move back home to be with my family (states away, in the US) and our child when our lease was up.

Things began to improve, so I gave my partner a second chance. We renewed our lease.

Now, almost a year later, they’ve changed their phone password and refused to share with me even though we shared before. I ended up seeing them use it one day, so I used it to look at their phone. I found over 700 NSFW photos from one model’s OF. These photos were not a part of my partner’s regular photos app. They were the only ones in their Google Photos. My partner is now telling me that they just didn’t realize those photos were on their phone. They “forgot” about them. To their defense, the photos did all say they had been saved 3-4 years ago (2-3 years before the original issue).

So now, once again, I’m hurt for the same reason as last year only maybe worse because now my partner knows my boundary whereas maybe it just wasn’t clear before. We’re expecting our second child (due in about 5 months, right around when our lease is up and we need to move for more space anyway).

Am I overreacting if I leave my partner over this? Should I stick things out and believe that they forgot about 700 NSFW photos?

(Additional context that might be relevant: we also have trust issues because while my partner and I were dating and living with my family, they flew to their home state and cheated on me. The only way I found out was when the sheriff knocked on the door and served them papers for child support. The person they cheated with had gotten pregnant when the cheating occurred. The baby was confirmed to be my partner’s child.)