End of mat leave transition

Hi other new parents!

My baby is 3 months next week. Sunday is my first day back at work. I’m a night shift RN. I’m struggling with anxiety over leaving her because baby has an obvious preference for me and screams at my husband at bedtime.

Dad is very hands on and does his job with our baby. He gets up with her at night, spends lots of time with her when he’s at home and can soothe her very well during the day, but bedtime has been so hard in the past few weeks. She loses her mind and just cries and screams until she’s choking herself. He does all the same things I do but I end up going to get her. It’s so hard for me to listen to that when I know she’s looking for me and if I go get her she will stop. If I go to check on them I can see he just looks so defeated sometimes. When she is screaming I feel like I’m ignoring both my husband and my baby or I’m not doing my job as a mom.

I really want to empower my husband but I don’t know how. He’s a great dad!! I love being a parent team with him and I want to support him and our girl but in the moment I never know what to do except offer to take her. I know in the long run it’s not doing us any favors.

Any tips? Any ways to make bedtime easier? Why is it different than other times that she’s tired? We don’t have any routine except bedtime bottle and rock to sleep. I just follow her cues but bedtime is usually 8:30.