Feeling lost

I used to struggle with porn for about 7-8ish years, and I finally broke out of it 4 months ago. Every time I try and read the Bible and pray and worship God it just doesn't seems to hit my heart personally or in a way I expect. I used to be so worried I committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit because when I struggled w porn, I remember feeling guilt and knowing it's wrong when I'd give in to those urges, and over time I felt it less and less. But some days, like the past 2, I've felt like my reverence for God was so powerful and real. I keep telling myself I need to just endure and ground myself in His word and not my feelings. I read the Bible and struggle to focus. I read about Jesus' death and I know he died for me but i don't feel that sadness or love that I want to and think I should feel. If anyone can relate, can you please just give some advice? Pray for me please