Feeling sad after first in person BDSM experience

I have done a fair bit of online Dom/sub stuff before and have enjoyed it, but in real life I have been quite shy with sex and not felt like I have met the right person to try bdsm with. I have struggled with low self esteem issues before with sex as of my ex boyfriends the first didn’t really like my weight and at the end of the relationship said he wasn’t sexually attractive to me anymore, and another one never wanted to have sex with me and then I found out he was on dating apps which made me feel really unattractive. I couldn’t even masturbate for a few months after we broke up because I felt so low about myself. Online BDSM stuff helped grow my confidence and made me see a new side to sex.

Recently I met someone I felt connected to, he seemed like a great communicator, was really funny and affectionate, hot, great kisser, could anticipate things about me and made me feel comfortable. We had a date and a couple of weeks where we were sexting and talking lots online about Dom/sub stuff and he was giving me tasks. I felt this was the right person to try BDSM with in person.

When I saw him next, we were making out lots and I tried being spanked with hands and a paddle for the first time, we did it quite a lot and I have bruises from it. After sex we spoke for a bit casually and also a bit more deep as I opened up about some personal stuff and childhood, we went upstairs for sex again and then he was asking me questions about my previous sexual activity and about if I’d had good sex. I’m not very vocal during sex so I feel maybe this was off putting to him. I was lying there on the bed just after sex and he said we were sexually incompatible. He liked kissing me but didn’t enjoy the sex. I felt like my body froze and honestly I wanted to cry because I felt so embarrassed, I didn’t know how to get up but I didn’t know what to say to him either. He kept kissing me and being affectionate and I asked how come he was doing that and he said he could see why that would be confusing and stopped. I didn’t know how to speak about why I was upset and he tried to be kind and help me express so I eventually did and felt like we reached a better resolve and I went home. We said we would sleep on how we felt.

The next day he started sexting me again and wanted to see my dom side so we did that for a bit but then the next day he said he felt no sexual connection and that it wouldn’t be a good idea to see each other again.

I just feel so embarrassed and it’s really playing on my self esteem. I had felt really into bdsm and excited about the experience and had really enjoyed it before it started going wrong, but now I feel really low and I’m worried this is going to affect my future confidence with sex and make me feel weird about BDSM

I’m just wondering how I stop this from knocking my confidence and don’t let this ruin bdsm for me

TLDR - thought I found someone to explore bdsm with, did spanking and got bruises, was told straight after sex that we’re not sexually compatible, don’t know how to recover my self esteem from this