I am death to any conversation

24M — just venting a bit

I’m a pretty lonely person. Growing up, I had maybe a small handful of friends throughout school (although we were never particularly close). After high school, I had no one. College was pretty rough for quite a few reasons; but I tried meeting people and nothing stuck.

Now I’m a bit older and out of college, I’m still alone. I’ve been working on myself for a few years. That’s really only consisted of working out, dieting, starting a business, and some minor social skills.

I’m doing okay in some parts of life now, yet I’m still incredibly lonely. I downloaded Hinge a few weeks ago and actually got a fair bit of matches. But no conversations went anywhere. It’s almost like when I speak to people, I can feel the life being sucked out of the conversation every time I speak. Although Hinge is for dates, the same is true for meeting people as friends.

I’ve gone out in person to try and meet people, but nothing. I’ve tried online with the same results. People just don’t like me; more likely I don’t know how to communicate with people. I can’t make small talk. I can’t even communicate about things we have in common.

I feel so broken. Just so far behind everyone socially. I haven’t made a friend in probably close to a decade, have never been on a date, have never even so much as held hands with a woman before.

I just feel so lonely.