PLEASE HELP! I have a partner, but i have a crush on someone else and i think it's because of dysphoria. TW: bottom dysphoria

I am trans FTM, 26YO. I have the most loving, caring, compassionate and respectful partner. He is my first love and I know he will be my last, i love him wholeheartedly and i know he is utterly irreplaceable. He honestly is more than a partner, he is everything to me and beyond and i'd rather die if i'm ever gonna lose him.

But before i proceesd, I need to clarify a few things regarding my sexuality. I consider myself to be demisexual. My romantic attraction however is solely for men. My bottom dysphoria always intensifies whenever sexuality is brought up. Even before meeting my partner, my bottom dysphoria has always been insanely distressing. I have always dreamt, wished, pined, longed and YEARNED for having a penis and wished to be the top in a relationship. I wish i could deliver this exact emotion and how severe and depressing and distressing it is for me, but it literally feels like i will only be whole and complete and a self actualized person if i had a penis and was a top. Sounds stupid i know but it's what i feel. It just feels integral and instinctive, and lacking it makes me feel enraged, incomplete and soulless.

My wonderful partner is more than kind understanding of my dysphoria, and i have begun to feel comfortable being a bottom with him -only him-. I feel like a horrible partner for not always showing him my sexual aspect, but he is always understanding.

I also wanna mention that we are in a long distance relationship (i know i know) and we have never met because he is stranded in my country that's currently at war, but he is in a safe region thankfully. We also don't always see each other's faces because of his internet, we only voice call everyday, and even that isn't working well because his internet is always lagging.

Heeeeere's the issue now. My stomach just dropped as i'm writing this part... I met someone (also from my country) with my group of friends a few weeks ago. He is incredibly beautiful, i really hate to admit it but he is. I have never seen someone so pretty.... his mannerisms are adorable. Everything physically about him is breathtaking -literally-. Whenever i think about his face my heart skips a beat. And i saw him a few times after, he is not very talktive and he's rather shy which i found to be painfully endearing but also annoying because i really don't want to like him, and his mysteriousness makes me want to get to know him which i don't want to do! And as days pass by, i think about him more and more, and sexual thoughts about him keep creeping up (i truly feel disgusting admitting this).. these sexual thoughts are the same that i used to have before i met my partner, it's the thoughts that emerge from my deep and instinctive yearning and longing for what i lack and will always lack. This person triggered an old raging pain that i thought i had forgotten with my partner.

Aaaand something happened a couple of days ago, we were all eating lunch together, he was sat in front of me. We exchanged a couple of words and laughes.. god he was so endearing it hurts and disturbs me, i think it was clear how nervous i was with him, how i involuntarily avoided eye contact with him. But he had said something that i have now forgotten because all i can remember is that damn look he gave me! he said something and we looked at one another and laughed and his eyes (i hope i'm not delusional) felt like it told me something. It was brief yet it felt disturbingly long, because at that moment of mutual rapport, i got the scariest and most intense butterflies that i have never ever felt in my 26 years on this earth. It was so very intense it makes me wanna cry whenever i think about it. The way he looked me in the eyes with that pretty smile and the prettiest set of eyes that i have ever seen was something out of this world. I really don't wanna exaggerate, and furthermore i don't wanna be delusional and think that he feels something for me too. I really hope he isn't. I hate that moment so much i wish it never happened. And i hate that i've been thinking about him A LOT recently.

I must note, even if he was interested in me, it will be impossible because we are all from a strictly homophobic and transphobic background and they don't know i'm trans although i look suspicious. And i think he is religious so. And let's suppose he's not religious, us being together will be impossible for a number of reasons including; I DO NOT WANNA LOSE MY PARTNER, I will never ever have the cruel gap within me fullfilled because i will never have a penis, and before everything, i don't even f*cking know if he's gay! despite that intense moment of rapport eye contact...

I also wanna note something very important, i don't think i felt this way towards this person because my partner isn't physically with me. We have been together for a long long time, and i see and meet many people everyday and i never liked anybody besides my partner. I also wanna clarify that i'm a highly sensitive person with strong intuition. Something about that moment with that person was happening. But i must still assume that i may be delusional.

But there is also another problem, i hate that i find this person to be more attractive than my partner, i feel extremely guilty and selfish and horrible. But at the end of the day, i know FOR A FACT that i will never ever have someone like my partner.

Now, i personally believe that most humans are polyamorous by nature, and i know that we are capable of finding other people attractive even if we're in a fulfilling relationship. And i also believe that some people can fall in love with multiple people. And i was thinking what if he was in a relationship with me and my partner and sadly, i found that highly appealing. I even found it to be a huge turn on to think of my partner with him sexually and romantically... i feel a conflicting sense of lust and disgust as i'm writing this..

My problem here is, how do i process the feelings of utter guilt, shame, disgust and mortification that i feel?

Is it normal to find this person more attractive than my partner?

Is what i felt normal and has anybody of you experienced this?

And how do i overcome my curiosity for this person?