not sure if I am stressed or depression is affecting it

I just joined a team and while I am eager to learn, I have no context of anything is being said during the meetings. I had try my best to learn and read the on boarding stuff on my own, but since its a team transition ( hiring manager change ) there not an official on boarding host for me. so I rarely get the chance to shadow.

I tried to make 1:1 call with everyone on the team, but I have to be honest, I am depressed so the connection wasn't the best compares to when I first joined this role. I just listen to what they do and say something along the line of dont mind if I message you if I dont understand anything.

I also had tried to ask to shadow - but what I am shadowing on? I dont even know? like I dont know what I dont know... the meeting talk about so many abbreviation. and when I ask to shadow a process - they told me they'd have to ask the manager for permission to share that with me.. so I feel like I am being blocked from learning.

I also talked to my manager about how I am trying to understand the process on my own and she told me " dont worry it took me a year to understand it, so I figure it going to take you awhile to get everything"... hmm like no I dont want to wait for a year to understand it. I am already lost at work, going to work staring at the screen all day. While some might say enjoy it, I am anxious and I dont know if my concern is valid or am i being affected by my deppresion ( which I am currently taking med for )