[2400] A Stained-Glass Cocoon

This is a short body/cosmic horror story. There's is some gross body horror stuff in there but It's not the main focus. I feel like the structure of the story and how it's laid out might be the biggest issue and I'm trying to find a way of softening it or making it more approachable without losing why it works for this story. I could use another set of eyes to breakdown my story, give me some feedback and useful criticism to help me reevaluate what works and what doesn't.

[2800 points]

My review

Google doc for my story