Every single fucking thing I want in my life gets ripped straight out of my hands.

I’m a disabled trans guy in my early twenties, and I’m tired of living.

I’ve already waited three years for the chance to even start my transition, and it might get taken away from me if the world continues down the path it’s heading. I’m afraid that I can’t become the person I see myself as on the inside. I’m afraid of my trans brothers and sisters. I’m afraid that I might do something I regret.

In just a few days comes the anniversary of my suicide attempt.

I’m also disabled. I got three official diagnoses under my belt, one of which left me with a life-changing surgery when I was just 7 years old.

Ever since I became a teenager, my family has pressured me to get children. I’ve always been against this, up until last year. I became comfortable with the idea of settling down and have a baby despite my young age. For once, I felt like I had a purpose. I wanted to have a baby biologically, despite my female to male identity. For once, I felt good being queer.

The medicine I take for my chronic illness took that away from me.

If I get pregnant on it, my baby dies. If I stop taking it, I’ll die.

I don’t know how to continue living. Every single fucking thing I want in my life gets ripped straight out of my hands.