Sexless Relationship @ 3years

My partner (38M) and I (25F) are pretty much in a sexless relationship. I've read a few other posts about people's advice and replies but I think I need clarity or maybe even hope from people that have managed to turn this around?

We started out really well, we were both hospitality workers and had sex quite a lot to be honest. I changed my job and we were okay still. We then moved in together renting to begin with and he changed his job at the same time, that's when it stopped... or happened a lot less. Last year while we were renting we had sex three times and one of those was him saying "Do you wanna sit on it?" Out of spite I wanted to say no but then I also felt deprived and like it was too big of an opportunity so I went with it. We've spoken about our lack of sex about 4 times now over the space of 18 months and absolutely nothing has changed. He gives me suggestions, fantasies and solutions or new things to try and when I do any of them he says no. Sometimes he doesn't even say no, he just walks away or says he's tired and it's bedtime. The one time we had sex this year was because I spent two hours giving subtle hints, suggestions, being playful and coaxing him into thinking it was his idea. I cant spend 2 hours making effort every time i want sex when there is no guarantee it will happen. I have depression, anxiety and an eating disorder, I'm battling my own shit everyday and don't have the mental capacity to dedicate 2 hours a day to see if he'll have sex with me. He said he is trying and he wants to have sex more but when he thinks about it he gets performance anxiety and just can't do it. I've tried surprising him with different methods to try and avoid this, making sure he basically doesn't have time to think about it and it STILL doesn't work. We've recently bought a house together even though I'd told myself I wanted to sort this aspect of our relationship out before committing to a house but I genuinely love him so much that I went through with this anyway. I'm just so tired and exhausted of not feeling good enough or attractive enough to him. Sex gives me the validation that I'm wanted, loved and attractive. My love language is physical touch so I'm really feeling like shit lately and I've had to refer myself back into therapy to try to help. His love language is acts of service (though not the one I want) and gifting. He's such a beautiful soul, he's a good man and he's someone I thought would be compatible with me in every way. My sisters always tell me I've found a great man because he's a trained chef, he's extremely clean, very polite, respectful, a great listener, non-toxic, everything a woman could possibly dream of and yet... we don't have sex and it's making me somewhat resent him. He can be clingy, like if I'm busy all week he gets upset that he hasn't really seen me much but then when I do see him we always act the same way. Not always the same things but the same approach if that makes sense. Like what is the point in me spending quality time with you if we aren't going to be intimate, I can watch Netflix with a friend, I can cuddle a friend, I can rent somewhere with a roommate. What makes this relationship a relationship other than the occasional kisses. I'm also terrified of abandonment and being alone, like what if he is the best thing I could get in a relationship and I throw that away because I hold sex to a high priority and he knows this but does nothing about this?

It really makes me feel like I'm the problem but anytime he raises an issue with me or we talk about whatever is on our minds, I'm very receptive. I change and adapt to try to compromise on the things he wants and needs but he rarely compromises on the things I need and sex is the one that he hasn't budged on despite telling me he is trying. I also want to say he definitely isn't cheating on me because we both leave our phones unlocked around each other, ask each other to reply to messages from people while we are busy with something else and know each others schedule day by day. He's too sweet and he's an extremely bad liar so I'd know about it.

Please help😭