Realizing that I am no one’s close Friend or first Choice and loosing motivation.

Idk, thought I was doing well when it came to socializing, making friends and being more open to People, but lately I realized more that I am no one’s Best Friend, or even a close Friend. Usually I have to ask and ask People over and over to meet up or be the one to message them to call and game or something. I feel like a cat scratching at a Door sometimes.

I don’t understand it. Some People are also just confusing with mixed signals. They seem like they wanna get to know you better or like you at first but then have never time or already such a huge Circle that you don’t fit into their Timeschedule or just don’t respond to you.

And idk, in the past it didn’t bother me to be alone, but since I went out more I miss it soo much, to hang out with people, to hear a voice or a hug. Maybe I became needy or something and expect too much. But I feel like i am always trying and when I try I am too pushy and when I don’t try I am not interesting or seem like a loner who doesent want other people. I seem to be and stay on the fringes of every group and community I enter. And often after someone interacts with me it feels like they spent time with me out of pity idk. I’m kinda falling back into a state where I don’t feel worth and don’t wanna interact with anyone anymore because either online or irl im not sure I got any real “close friends”.