he said he likes spending time with me and I wanna run and never see him again

I have bpd and I'm 24f. I've never been in a relationship before. I love self destruction a lot and I have always imagined my boyfriend or girlfriend to be emotionally unavailable, toxic and mentally damaged. Please don't judge me for this. But this boy I'm talking to is just so sweet, he's 29,he talks about his feelings and I'm just not used to this. I find this cringe and it makes me wanna throw up.... I don't see myself being in a healthy relationship. What should I do? Should I overcome this? If so, how? Should I give him a chance??? I go to therapy since I was 18