My 4 year old drives me bonkers

Let’s be real I love my son to death. But I don’t know what to do with him/his personality. He loves doing things that make you cringe. He loves screaming at the top of his lungs, yelling in your face, spitting on his hand and then wiping it on you. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so heavily stimulated by him. He is the oldest of three. When he was born, I spent so much time trying to do everything right not have him have sensory overload, etc. and sometimes I feel like he gets so stimulated over every day sounds I don’t know how to calm him down. I get so frustrated with myself because a lot of the time I am overstimulated by him that I tell him to go to his room to calm down or I have to sit him down for like a time out so that he can stop moving. He’s constantly on the go. He has so much energy. He’s so funny and playful and loving, but I don’t know what to do. He plays so much that eventually it creates a minor injury with his younger brother or himself. He doesn’t know when to stop. Does anyone else have this problem? And I feel so bad for telling him to calm down, but I don’t know what else to do. He doesn’t know how to calm down. I’ve tried co-regulating. I have even tried sensory inputs and nothing seems to work. And he does everything to do the opposite of what you’re saying. Is this a developmental thing or could it be something else? I need some help. We even do one on one time with him because we know sharing is tough with siblings, but I don’t know what else to do. When he’s not moving or stimulated, he’s likely to cause problems