21M INFJ in need of some words of wisdom

Hey everyone,

I’m reaching out because I feel completely stuck when it comes to dating. It’s like I’ve given up entirely—I’m not even trying anymore.

In the past, I was involved in a situationship that turned toxic. I was manipulated and used, and it took a significant intervention from my friends for me to finally cut ties. Since then, I’ve tried initiating conversations with women I’m interested in, but I overthink everything. I either mess up, fumble, or psych myself out completely. It’s reached a point where I hardly engage with women beyond platonic friendships. I feel incapable of approaching them on a romantic level. It’s like I’ve fallen into a cycle of laziness and self-sabotage.

Recently, I met someone I wanted to get to know better and got their Instagram. However, I haven’t messaged them, constantly telling myself there’s no point. This is frustrating my friends, who keep urging me to reach out.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lazy, defeated, and scared.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you overcome it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.