I am so tired of my family and friends.

I'm a 21-year-old guy who's exhausted by the way my family and friends treat me. They expect me to always be strong, but the moment I show any vulnerability, I'm ignored or mocked. I've dealt with mental health issues since being diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at 7. While my mom did her best to support me, it caused jealousy in my older sister, who emotionally abused me throughout my childhood—mocking my disability, insulting people I liked, and making me feel unsafe in my own home. That abuse has left lasting damage, especially in how I relate to women. (no I am not an incel)

The only person I could truly talk to was my grandfather. He understood me and gave me a safe space to be myself. When he died in 2015, it broke me. I began overeating and struggling with depression, which worsened my self-esteem.

Most of my friendships have felt one-sided—people using me and dropping me when I’m no longer useful. Physical injuries in high school made me the target of jokes and judgment. Even now, I hide my pain to avoid ridicule.

Last year, my best friend betrayed me, spreading lies after I asked a girl out for coffee. That shattered me and led to a drinking problem. I felt completely alone—judged by teachers and peers, receiving no support, only stares and whispers.

Last night, a friend I’ve supported through his mental health struggles for over a year told me to f*** off out of nowhere. I’ve always been there for him, and I don’t understand what I did to deserve that. It’s left me feeling angry to the point that it scares me, especially with university starting in September. Should I get therapy to manage this before it gets worse, or are there other options I can consider?