Been in my head for a while..

Hey, this is my first time posting. I needed a space to vent and im glad i found this place.

So the thing is..i have always been overweight. I do have body and self image issues. Sometimes i can't bear how i look physically. I can say its less now. Since i started college. I found new and very amazing people who supports me and adore me.. so do i. I adore them so much. And i got into a relationship too in my 2nd year with the most amazing guy. All these kind of made me feel pretty good about myself. I wont say it vanished but having people with you especially so supportive and kind does make it less visible. I'm not as insecure now but it still lingers. I love food but i can't express it..i want too but idk what's stopping me. It's like if i say i like to eat i love foof people will make fun of me even though im aware of the reality but in the moment i think otherwise. I feel shy or embarrassed to talk about what food i like. Its unhealthy yes. But i like it everyone likes it. And sometimes when i eat good food, i feel like im betraying myself. The instant guilt oh my god. There are still people who pokes and indirectly points out my body weight and how i look. Recently in one of my class. This one teacher..he is nice tho no bad intentions ofc, you can say its his mindset..maybe he tried to say it in as respectful as he can. But it bothered me a bit. Just a bit. The thing is were only 6 people there and randomly out of one discussion he started pointing out how everybody looked or how there vibes are. He said nice things to almost everybody but me. "You're ok...but you look quite depressing..try to jog its good for your healt" ...

I didn't mind. But in front of everyone..only me.. that felt awkward and humiliating.