Suddenly remembered the cocsa

A couple days ago I was thinking about an old friend of mine (she was 12. Me too then.) and suddenly started to remember the things she did to me.

One of the things I didn’t forget was the time she pushed my head underwater for about half a minute. Maybe shorter because I was panicking. She had some days she was super nice and other days where we was super mean. Polar opposites. After that she told me that it was a game, an excuse she used a lot tbh.

She did some smaller things too. Like texting me to come and hang out but then never answering the door.

(TW SA)

We were playing dad and (I think) mom or daughter. (Yes it is a bit fucked up.) we used to play a lot of these games. She suddenly pressed me against a wall next to her closet and started touching me. Not undressing but touching me private areas etc. I did tell her to stop cuz it felt weird. I didn’t know what was happening and didn’t really mind it (except for the feeing) Now I look back at it I realise how fucked up it was.

A couple weeks later she just didn’t text me anymore and we stopped being friends. I was quite sad becuase I was dependent on her. She was my only friend and that’s probably the reason why I let this all happen to me. She als has hit me multiple times.

I am now 16 and don’t have contact with her. But now I look back at all the stuff I am kindse freaked out and nearly had a panic attack thinking about to cocsa. Any advice please.