Update: I (31F) am married to a family oriented (34M). How do navigate this situation?

I have posted on here before and unfortunately Things have gotten worse. I think at this point he is cheating and everyone knows. I asked for a divorce sometime ago and he said things will change and they did...for the worst. He doesn't stay in the business his brother and I do. The money still is split in half as is all our bills. I am excluded from everything from everyone and I know this is not because I feel like crap and is depressed everyday. It's because the children are now calling me by my first name and do this awkward wave when greeting me. He has now locked his phone and specifically his messenger apps are locked individually. He/They got a vehicle and I didn't even know about it. He never takes me out but finds time to go out when everyone else. He had the audacity to ask me out to the church harvest claiming it's to spend time with me. Later on I found out his sister asked him to take the kids so that meant I would have been babysitting. Not forgetting two weeks before that the family when to an event and I was not invited. I just happened to see him dressing he he casually mentioned it. I know things could be marginally better if I gathered the courage to try to build back the relationships with my friends so I won't be as isolated but I'm so embarrassed. I don't know where to start. When I get depressed I literally shut my phone off go to work, come back home and cry. On the weekends I shower, sometimes eat and go back to bed. This has been my life for 6 months. I've been applying for jobs but that's not working out. I have to work in the business because he won't pay for the loan I took out for us to travel. Most days I honestly pray to not wake up, because just seeing myself stuck here is unbearable. I'm trying to save up to find a place but the load takes more than half my monthly income plus I have to put half of everything. I've gained so much weight without eating. A friend of my who just happened to see me (yes I hide from people I know) says I looked older in a short timeframe. My degree is in science and so the only job I can get here seen to be teaching of some sort. I will have to travel for a job but I can't even afford that. I can't even afford to go to the gym. I can't afford a divorce. I can't go back to my family due to another set of problems and I don't know how long that would take to resolve. I asked if he was cheating and if I'm being discussed in bad light he obviously said no. He gaslights me so much I don't even ask about anything. We don't talk. We don't sleep in the same bed. Ever since I married this man my life just went down hill. Old me would take petty revenge daily but I'm so mentally exhausted that I just outside every night and cry.

I'm thinking to cheat but I've never done that and men right now just gives me the ick. I trying to save so I literally don't buy anything unnecessary so that I can atleast save up atleast three months rent and be able to afford therapy. Online jobs aren't available here so saving up for this will take years. I just want to be in a neutral or happy mood for atleast 1 entire day. I am a Christian but God has obviously forgotten me and that's ok. I don't know what I did but I guess he has better stuff to do and other people who are far worse than me. So I'm asking for ways to be happy. Just a a little bit. I don't want to embarrass his or my family so here is the only place I can truly say I am not happy.