I'm at a total loss

I've been dealing with high-functioning depression for almost a year (including self-harm) and due to recent shit happening in my worklife my mood has shifted from thinking about ways to go... to finding out how. I've found a serious way to end it. All the materiald needed are available for purchase and I have the technical skill to make it work.

Last friday I went to the doctor (for the 5th time, after months of company therapy, waitlists, being shoved back n forth without results. I am not even on any meds yet) to try and get help with my increasingly troubling thoughts, very clearly stating my depression, self-harm and my recently developed plan to end it. The doctor empathized with me about my suffering...

...But instead of offering immediate help, he confirmed my method was highly effective, commonly used for a peaceful death and the most humane way to go. He even told me about an institute where I could get more info about my method, and then even offered to get signed in for euthenasia.

I wanted help. Not a f*ng pat on the shoulder and pamphlet on how to off myself.

The Dutch healthcare system is thoroughly fucked. 113's been a bust cause I don't have everything set up yet and they can't offer more than online coaching. Company therapy says my situation is above their expertise and pointed back to the damn doctor. I've officially lost all trust in anything healthcare related.