I understand now why my mom always devalued what I liked.

It's because everything that is mine is technically hers and if she doesn't find something useful for herself then it automatically become unuseful for me. I caught my mom stealing ny socks. I kinda don't care but it is where this epiphany came into more detail. She stole my socks but denied they were ever mine. When I told her I didn't care anyways she could have them she admitted only that they were just lying around and no one was wearing them.

That made me think a bit more about how a narcasist really believes you to be an extention of them. Your autonomy is meaningless unless it benefits them. Even then everything you do is never enough. I just find it super funny. Just because it's a very childish mindset. They don't have a sense of self so if they see you have one they immediately try to hijack it for themselves so they can feel worthwhile.

What does that have to do with my socks? Well, what is mine is my mothers apparently and her devaluing my interests so she can use the things I get is a way of her keeping control over me. I am thankful I have a partner that helped me escape long enough to see what I was dealing with.

At the end of the day as frustrating as she is I accept I cannot change her, I am just grateful to be able to finally be free and see the issues from a new perspective I couldn't when I was younger. To be able to approach different situations with more clarity I feel like helps me slowly grow day by day to become a better person.

The bpd I devloped growing up sucks but it is what it is.