We broke up after 7.5 months. It wasn’t because of fights or disconnection, but something deeper. Should I still have hope?

Hi everyone.
I’d like to give you some context before asking for your advice.

I’m a 21-year-old guy, and I was in a 7.5-month relationship with a 21-year-old woman. We met through my sister, who worked with her. From the very beginning, we clicked. Less than two weeks after we started talking, we went on a date, and by the third week, she asked me to be her boyfriend. That was back in August 2024.

Everything felt perfect. We genuinely loved each other and made sure to express it, through words, actions, gifts, affection. Neither of us ever felt unappreciated. We were each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend and also each other’s first intimate partner. We spent almost every weekend together and rarely argued, maybe 2 or 3 small disagreements that were resolved the same day. It really felt like something long-term.

But everything changed on February 23rd, 2025**.** A date I’ll never forget.

We were being intimate when her phone started blowing up. I made a joke about it, but after we finished and she went to take a shower, she finally checked it. Her face turned pale. She left the room silently. Out of concern, I checked the phone.

There were texts from her dad and his girlfriend. They were at the police station, her dad had physically assaulted the woman after accusing her of cheating. My ex has a history of trauma involving her father, and this incident clearly broke something inside her. She came back from the shower crying, shaking, saying things like:
“I think he hates me,”
“Every time I feel like I’m doing great, he drags me down with him,”
“I don’t want anyone or anything pulling me down.”

I held her and tried to comfort her for about an hour. She eventually calmed down, but after that day, she started to change. The following weekend, she wasn’t interested in intimacy anymore. She said she wasn’t in the mood after what happened, and I completely respected that. She cut contact with her father, which I thought was understandable. But even beyond that, something shifted.

She began to say she felt “suffocated”. Even though I had been giving her more space and being less intense. She eventually asked for distance, and I gave it to her. I knew she was dealing with a lot, emotional trauma, a demanding job, college, and even a pregnancy scare (which thankfully turned out to be a false alarm). Still, I truly believed things would get better.

Around March 8th, we didn’t see each other. Our conversations were sparse, and she said she felt overwhelmed by everything. Then on March 15th, I visited her. She invited me, but her behavior was inconsistent, affectionate one moment, distant the next. Even her family noticed something was off, as she wasn't threating me the way she used to.

Then came March 22nd, about one month after the incident with her dad, she asked to talk. When I went over, she said she wanted to break up. She insisted it wasn’t my fault, and that I had treated her with care, but she no longer felt as emotionally involved. She didn’t want to string me along. Her love had turned into "just affection," she said.

I asked if she had felt happy in the relationship before February 23rd, and she said yes. She also said emotions aren’t like a switch you can just turn on or off — “If I could flip the switch back, I would,” she told me.

She then shared something that really stuck with me: she had experienced this kind of “emotional shutdown” before. Years ago, with another guy she loved deeply, her feelings vanished after emotional trauma. She couldn't connect with anyone for a long time. Then, when she saw him again after a year apart, everything came rushing back, even stronger. She only truly got over him after finding out he had cheated on her. She didn’t say explicitly that this was the same situation, but the fact that she brought it up made me think she saw similarities.

Even during the breakup, she was kind. She kept the gifts I gave her, like our promise ring and other sentimental things. I stayed over that night, but I couldn’t sleep, so I left and wrote her a heartfelt letter. She thanked me the next day for being so kind and respectful. I told her she could reach out to me when she felt ready.

The next five days were hell for me. I barely slept or ate. I even talked to her sister, who told me my ex hadn’t said a word about the breakup, and was living on autopilot, just going from work to college to bed. She believed the breakup was more about her internal issues than about us, and even said she thought we’d probably get back together one day.

Then, on March 27th, she texted me. She started acting like everything was fine. Sending jokes, chatting lightly, but then admitted she was feeling completely empty. No sadness, no joy, no anger. Just numbness. I offered support.

In the following days, we had a few short interactions. I’m a web developer, so I decided to create a website for her, a place where I laid out our best memories and expressed my feelings, hopes, and my willingness to face this hard time together. I sent it to her. After a few hours, she replied:
"Hey... I don’t really know what to say."
I told her she could take her time and talk to me whenever she was ready.

Five days of silence. Then she came back again, pretending like nothing had happened. Sending memes, small talk, etc. I thought: “Okay. Maybe if I play it cool, she’ll slowly open up again.”

But here’s what people don’t tell you: when you still have so many unresolved feelings, “playing it cool” becomes a nightmare. Every message, every silence, every meme was torture. I overanalyzed everything. All I really wanted was her back, not a fake friendship.

So eventually I asked her if she saw any possibility of us reconnecting. I wanted to know if we were on the same page. I couldn’t keep pretending. She told me she didn’t see a possibility. That she wasn’t ready for a relationship again at the moment and maybe I needed space to process everything. She even said she thought I was being “too calm”, like she expected more of an emotional reaction from me, like most guys would have in this situation (which usually don't brings great results).

I accepted the space she asked for but told her I still hoped we’d reconnect in the future. I kept it respectful and kind, even in that tough conversation. That was on April 9th, and we haven’t spoken since.

Now, nearly a month later, her birthday is approaching. I still love her deeply. I know she’s not doing well. She’s always been introverted, but this time she seems truly emotionally disconnected. She also doesn't have many friends as she is not even from this town. I want to support her, but I don’t want to be just an emotional crutch. I want to be her person again. I know she values our connection. She didn’t block me, and even viewed my TikTok profile recently.

But I also know she probably can’t give me what I want right now. Probably what I deserve. I want to be there for her, but I also want more. I want us again. I admit that keeping things cool probably looks like the more "easy way", but from my experiences, talking to other people and even searching online, it looks like people in this state of emotional apathy don’t tend to reconnect through casual interactions. Especially when the emotional bond was deep. Instead, what often happens is that the "cool" contact becomes a limbo: you're present, but invisible. You’re emotionally available, but not truly seen. And the other person, consciously or not, can start to rely on you for a sense of comfort or normalcy, without having to face the reality of the relationship’s loss or the damage caused.
And honestly, I think if I had kept pretending everything was fine back then and never had that honest talk, I’d be in even more pain now.

Meanwhile, you're left overanalyzing every word, every silence, waiting for crumbs of affection, and that slowly erodes your self-worth. So while going "no contact" can be painful and feel like giving up, sometimes it's actually the only way to protect your dignity and give the other person the emotional space they actually need to feel your absence. But maybe I am viewing things wrong, so I really want your opinions.

So here are my questions to you guys:

1. Do you think I made the right decisions? Would you have done anything differently?
2. Is it reasonable to still have hope in a situation like this?
3. Should I text her on her birthday or stick to no contact?