Why should i even try?

I honestly feel like i have no reason to live, nothing to make me say "oh boy, i gotta do y" or "i can't wait to do x" when i wake up. But at the same time, i can't say i got a reason to die either, nothing that would make me feel like "my situation is so bad i would rather die than keep living like this". Some context, a few weeks ago i came to the conclusion that for my whole life,all my actions were done for the sole purpose of getting others to notice me. Examples: -going to the gym to get slim and grow muscles so i can be told how awesome and good looking i am, but surprise, it always felt hollow,so i thought i had to get leaner and bigger. -if i had any sort of plan for a day(ex: going to uni), and if i knew there was a cute girl,i would go when she had classes so that we can meet,even if collided with my own schedule,like going for groceries or eating. -i always didn't say what i had in mind, not to upset anyone or think im weird -whenever there was a slightly attractive girl, i would try and get with her,even if we didnt really click that well,just to feel like someone finally acknowledges me(and all of the above, not saying what i think or doing what i really wanted) After coming to these conclusions, i let loose for about 2 weeks. Sure,it felt better than all of my life combined, saying whatever i wanted and doing whatever i wanted, but it was again all hollow.

Now im left confused, sad and with no idea as to what should i do. And even worse,exams are coming up,and i know i should learn for them, and it wouldn't even take long, but i just can't get myself to do it, i don't feel like there's any point. And before anyone says, no, i can't afford therapy right now,i would go if i could.