20F dating 23M bartender — unsure if I can handle the lifestyle anymore

Hi:) i’m F20 and in college. my boyfriend is 23. when we started dating, he was working a regular job. super chill, nothing nightlife related. then a few months in, he switched and started bartending. now he’s moving up to manage at a bigger club. five nights a week. late shifts. constant drinking, loud crowds, hot coworkers, drunk girls, the usual.

he plans to keep doing it until he finishes his bachelor’s and through grad school too. so realistically, this isn’t going away anytime soon. and while i’ve tried to be understanding and supportive, i’m starting to realize it might just not be for me.

i’m not jealous. i’m not clingy. i’m not insecure. i’m confident in myself. i know i’m attractive. i know i bring a lot to the table. this isn’t about me being afraid someone will take him. it’s about the emotional toll that comes with this kind of lifestyle. the late nights. the silence. the overstimulation. the fact that a five-hour stretch of his location being frozen left me laying there trying to calm my nervous system instead of just… sleeping. he said his phone died. maybe it did. but it’s not about that one night. it’s about the overall pattern. about how easy it is to start feeling disconnected when your partner lives in a world you’re not part of.

he’s also admitted that temptation is something he struggles with. not that he’s done anything, just that it’s there. and hearing that from someone i love—especially so early on—didn’t sit right. because if it’s already hard now, how does this play out a year or two from now?

i’m not trying to control him. i’m not asking him to quit or change his path. i’m just being real with myself. this might not be the kind of relationship dynamic i want long term. i want stability. i want peace. i want to feel emotionally safe. and i don’t think that makes me crazy or dramatic.

if you’ve been in this situation—whether you’re the one working in nightlife or dating someone who is—i’d love to hear your perspective. does it get better? or do you just learn to live with that little voice in the back of your head telling you this might not be your forever?