Confused in regards to interest in religion and being religious

Hello everyone. I apologize if this is a strange or disrespectful thing to post, I just don’t know where else to go with this.
I wanted to ask for peoples thoughts and perhaps personal experiences on what I have been experiencing for the past few years.

I did not grow up in a religious household at all, my parents (and wider family as well) have some rather unsavory thoughts about religion which were repeated to me when I was little and came to them with questions on the existence of God after having begun Christianity class (a previously mandatory class in my country, which is christian, but overwhelmingly “belonging without believing” as one would put it). Still, I was baptized at birth and completed my confirmation as a young teen. I was also taken to church on outings in my kindergarten as well as in the early years of school. Furthermore, I was a part of a handpicked church choir for a while as a young child. So funnily enough, despite not coming from a religious background or ever having considered myself religious in any meaningful manner, I sure have had a lot of contact with it haha.
Recently, for the past few years (I am in my early 20’s now and living alone), on and off to varying degrees, I have become overwhelmingly taken by religion, and more specifically Christianity. I used to tell myself that it was simply a fascination with a life that felt so foreign to me, but still so appealing and interesting- though I used to tell myself that that was the end of it. Recently though, for a little over half a year, I have more than ever, in the depths of this, obsession one could almost call it, painfully wished that I was of faith. I don’t know why, but I do. At times it really saddens me that I am not, that my brain wont budge. And I don’t know what to do about it at this point. It has gotten to the point where I will try to avoid anything religious because it grabs me so strongly and brings up that thinking again. It is also difficult for me in the sense that I have lived my whole life not considering myself a person of faith- so this idea of hypothetically being faithful, is something that I have trouble marrying with my already established “sense of self”. I know that it must sound strange, and it honestly feels a little embarrassing to say, but I just wanted to ask if anyone has gone through this? Or what your thoughts as someone who is of faith would be on this? Should I leave it be and simply make peace with it just being a strong interest of mine that will come and go throughout my life or would it make sense to lean more into this? Anyways, thank you for reading this long message, I hope that it was readable- I apologize for any mistakes as English isn’t my first language.

Thank you to everyone in advance who took the time to read this!