Father in Law is a “harmless” alcoholic

Posting here to vent but also maybe for advice?

TL;DR my FIL is an alcoholic who makes all of us feel constantly awkward and uncomfortable when we’re together, but he doesn’t exhibit a lot of the “typical” toxic alcoholic behaviors so my complaints fall on deaf ears

So here’s the long version for anyone who cares to read. I’ve been with my husband for almost a decade, married for four of those years. He’s always been open with me about the fact that mental illness (primarily anxiety and depression) and alcoholism run in his family, mostly from his dad’s side. His dad suffers from severe anxiety and depression that, due to his generation I’m sure (boomer) was never really treated by his parents. Since he was never offered help or support, he self-medicates with alcohol and w33d (can I say that here? Long time listener, first time caller here). He has never been abusive to anyone nor has he ever caused anyone harm, so I feel like everyone around him just writes this off as whatever. Nobody is concerned. However, I am very bothered by it. He is incapable of attending any family gathering (even if it’s just our immediate family) without being on something to take the edge off, and as a result he is awkward as hell to be around. He doesn’t know the meaning of a comfortable silence so he fills every silence with meaningless words and rambles on about the same things over and over. He gets very touchy feely (never sexually) and is frequently arrogant. He has been unemployed for a while and overcompensates for his insecurity by acting like he knows better than everyone else about everything under the sun. Our daughter (12) is visibly uncomfortable around him because he just acts so bizarre and I’m sure when our 1 year old is older it will be the same for him.

Example: we went out to dinner recently and he was tipsy. When our waiter took his order, my FIL out of nowhere reached for the waiter’s hand and said “I want to shake your hand” as though he was paying him some type of respect??? For no reason??? The waiter just gave a look, shook his hand, and walked away.

I don’t like that we’re constantly exposing our kids to his alcoholism and my husband hates it too, but at the same time we are close with both our families and don’t want to cut ties or anything of the sort. FIL has been called out for this behavior many times over the years by my MIL but he’s beyond stubborn and won’t hear any criticism so asking him to cha he feels futile.

Any advice? I’m just so tired of dreading our time together and I don’t want my kids to grow up seeing this behavior as acceptable. Thanks in advance for any input.