How do I (31F) know when it's time to stop trying to save my husband (34M)? Or maybe he's never gonna change and I'm blind?

My husband and I have been together for six years, married for nearly two. When we met, he had hobbies like cycling and photography, and a large circle of friends. But around 2.5 years ago, I noticed he stopped going out, dropped his hobbies, and disengaged from social life—unless I planned it.

At the time, we were planning our wedding, and I felt I was handling nearly everything alone. After trying to work through it ourselves, I suggested couples therapy. The therapist believed my husband was likely depressed and said she’d only work with us if he began individual therapy. He refused and promised to work things out himself. We settled for bi-weekly wedding prep meetings, which helped a bit.

We got married and it was the happiest moment of my life :)

After the wedding, same story —no hobbies, no initiative, and nights spent gaming. I planned all our trips, initiated every major conversation (like buying an apartment), and managed all logistics.

We tried a different couple's therapist, who echoed the first: he needed individual therapy. Again - my husband refused, saying he'll work things out by himself.

Ten months ago, we bought an apartment with a significant loan. After moving in, he quit his job, saying he wanted a more meaningful career. But for six months, he did nothing—same habits, no job applications, no activities.

In the meantime I found out he's smoking weed. Before our wedding I openly said I cannot accept this in my marriage (my dads an aloholic). He promised to never do it again.

I expressed concern about his mental health and finances. He promised to change, created a 10-day action list (job hunting, workouts, a course), but didn’t do a single thing.

I begged him to see a therapist. He went once, after I asked him how it went he said "good, the therapist told me to journal my feelings and we'll decide what to do next based on this". After a few days, I had a weird gut feeling and I asked him about the next session, only to find out he never booked it. I felt really bad, as what he said after the first session suggested he will continue therapy (like a half-truth told to get me off his business).

Today I found out he's smoking weed again.

Every time I talk to him he says he's sorry and that he'll change, but I start to think its all empty promises. How do I know it's time to stop trying?