AITAH for asking my dad not to touch me in a hotel lobby, and refusing to apologize after he got angry?

-Throwaway account-

I (33F, neurodivergent) attended my brother's wedding. The whole event was wonderful but socially exhausting. The next day, our family visited some champagne cellars together, which was great but also added to the build-up of sensory and emotional fatigue.

That evening, we decided to eat take-out in the hotel lobby, not the most private or appropriate setting, but I went along with it because I was with my brother, his wife, my mom, and my grandmother.

I was already on the edge of sensory overload and eating in a public, open space like a hotel lobby made me quite uncomfortable. Still, I managed to relax a little because I was with close family.Then my dad arrived. I was sitting down eating when he came up behind me, placed both hands on my shoulders, and leaned in so his face was next to mine asking me if the food was good. I hate this. I hate anyone being behind me when I’m sitting, I hate hands on my shoulders, and I especially hate when someone leans in close like that. It's an intense physical boundary for me, and always has been.

So I shrugged him off (I didn’t push him or yell) and said calmly :
"Please don’t lean on my shoulders, it hurts."
(Which is true, I’ve always had muscle tension and pain in my shoulders/traps.)

My dad instantly snapped and said with a pissed-off tone:
"No need to be so unpleasant."

Normally I’d let it go, but I was at my limit. So I replied, still calmly:
"I wasn’t being unpleasant. I just asked you not to lean on me because I’m in pain."

That’s when he got really angry and raised his voice in front of everyone in the hotel lobby:
"You’re my daughter, I touch you if I want to."

That sentence made my skin crawl. I felt disgusted, and deeply uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything more, I just froze. I tried to go back to my conversation with my brother and acted like I was still in a good mood. A few minutes later, my dad got up and left the table. It felt like he was annoyed that I didn’t apologize or back down.

I stayed at the table for maybe two more minutes, trying hard not to cry. My appetite was completely gone, I had barely touched my food. I grabbed my takeout, said i wanted to go to my hotel room and said goodnight. As soon as I closed the door, I just broke down and cried, full-on overwhelmed tears.

I haven’t seen him since. I also haven’t called my parents like I usually would after a while. My mom keeps telling me I should call, but I can’t bring myself to talk to him. Honestly, if it were up to me, I’d never speak to him again until he apologize but I still want a relationship with my mom, so I feel stuck. Until that moment, we actually had a fairly good relationship. After I moved out a few years ago, things got a lot better between us. I had made peace with his old-school mindset, as long as it wasn’t directed at me.

I’m also now dreading my mom’s upcoming birthday, knowing I’ll see him again and that everyone will probably act like nothing happened.

The next day, my mom and grandmother told me I should apologize. I refused. I just asked to not be touched on my shoulders. I honestly believe he should apologize to me.

Now I’m left feeling isolated, like I was somehow “in the wrong” for standing up for myself. It’s really eating at me.

TL;DR: At a hotel lobby dinner with family, I calmly asked my dad not to touch my shoulders because it hurt. He got angry and yelled, “You’re my daughter, I touch you if I want to.” Now my family wants me to apologize, but I feel disgusted and deeply uncomfortable.

AITAH for refusing to apologize ?