I have no friends.

I always found it difficult to maintain friendships throughout my adolescence, I went through bouts of depression and bulimia that turned me recluse. Now at 20, I have no friends neither in person nor online and I thought for the longest time that I was content with that knowledge, that I didn’t need anyone and friends betray anyway so why would I carry the burden of a friendship. It’s not until I see other people with connections, talking to people on discord and having voice chats, having somebody who they can trust and confide in that I feel the weight of all my failures and excuses sink in. I’m the most lonely I’ve ever been in my entire life, I’m not sure how to even create friendships at this age, how to reach out online to people when you have no foundation or baseline to go off of. It feels hopeless.