It’s a cycle

My mums an alcoholic. She drinks most days and I usually have to look after her because she just can’t move sometimes. The morning after I have to look after her too because she gets ill and most of the time drinks again to feel better because she feels bad about it. I have to look after my sisters too which just makes me so stressed and I feel awful. I know I’m not the best kid so I know that I make things worse for her and she does it because of me. It just gets too much with the stress and the guilt I feel so I end up cutting most of the time. My mum knows and she can tell a lot of the time which then makes her drink and then I know it’s my fault so I cut. Then she drinks, so I cut. It’s a cycle and I feel like I’ve started it and made it worse. I just can’t take this. My sisters get so upset by my mums drinking so I just end up causing them to feel bad too. It’s all just me making things worse, maybe things would be better if I just wasn’t here.