Human brain is not built to process suicide

My god I'm so fucked up over my friend committing suicide. She wasn't even a super close friend, but she's a family friend, sort of like a cousin, somebody I have known all my life. I got coffee with her nine days before she slit her wrists. It was easy and lovely.

I'm not exaggerating when I say almost every night I have a dream about her. My only real experience with death has been grandparents passing, and something about this feels so unnatural. There must be some sort of psychological reason why I can't seem to handle this.