Struggling with Communication in My Relationship

24[f] 25 [m] Lately, I’ve been feeling really confused and torn in my relationship. My boyfriend tells me that I don’t listen, that I don’t know how to communicate, and that I always have an “attitude” or “tone” when I talk. I honestly try my hardest to understand where he’s coming from. For example, if I notice he’s quiet, I’ll ask him if something is wrong. He usually says “no, I’m fine,” or “I’m just thinking about life.” But he never really opens up, and I’m left feeling like I did something wrong without knowing what it is.

When we argue, instead of diving into the issue or talking it through, he says things like “let me smoke my jay and sip my drink first” — like he needs to numb himself before he can face me. That hurts, because I don’t think communication should require getting high or drinking.

All of this has made me start questioning myself: Am I the problem? Am I too loud? Too much? Too emotional? Too difficult to love or talk to? I’ve been beating myself up trying to figure out if I’m the one who can’t be handled… or if I’m just trying to communicate with someone who doesn’t know how to open up.

**TL;DR;: Has anyone else ever felt like this in a relationship? How do you know when it’s truly you that needs to change versus when you’re with someone who won’t meet you halfway?