I’m going crazy after no contact

My ex and I just stopped talking again a few days ago. We broke up in January and it has been a whirlwind to say the least. Our most recent exchange ended with him acknowledging he was abusive and agreeing to read a book on abusive men. He said he feels like a piece of shit. That he doesn’t trust himself not to hurt me and wants me to move on for my sake. Somehow, I feel so much worse and dysregulated. I have been basically begging for him back. Sobbing to him about how we could get through it together. I’ve snapped on him over it, cried so many tears. And now he stopped answering me and I just feel worse. He told me he was going to stop talking to me because we agreed it was for the best. But since then I have texted about 10 times saying how much I miss him. And he doesn’t answer. I just texted him once last time begging him to tell me it is over for real. That it is too confusing how we ended things. (He told me he loves me but that he can’t be with me until he is better and he can’t promise me he will ever be better) it leaves me hoping he is going to come back around. Meanwhile I know he was abusive. He has been physical with me. Emotionally abusive. Sexually abusive. Somehow my brain is blocking all that out and I feel rejected by the person I tried so hard to make happy. After all of that. He is finally going to get better and I’m left heartbroken and alone. It’s miserable and I can’t move on. I am young attractive and successful. I get approached often but he is the only one I ever want. Could use some support right now.