Had to put my dog to sleep this weekend

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s weird I grew up with animals had relatives pass. But nothing hurt as much as this. My wife and I had our little boy for 15 great years. He was the chillest dog and just wanted to be apart of things and hang out with his people. My wife and I don’t have kids so this guy was like our child.

He was a member of our family, it’s a really weird feeling at first it was just sadness, a lot of crying. Now it’s just like a calm numbness with a little anxiety. I feel like a concerned parent whose kid is off to school for the first time or at camp. Where is my boy is he ok is he safe where ever he is. I’m not a religious person but I’ve found myself the last couple days hoping there is something after whatever that is. It’s like when you see genuine love and goodness you want it to not end.

We had to get out of the house mostly because we found ourselves expecting to see him in his normal spots. Or when we get home. This is the weird part in all of this. While I’m sad and it feels weird there is this appreciation and love I have for my wife. Not that I didn’t before but losing something that you care about that much there is an empty feeling like the world is a little less a little colder. But because you understand what real love and loss is you appreciate the love you still have a little more. And want to be there for it. The things I thought mattered don’t as much I feel more focused than I have in years. I really struggled mentally through and after Covid. And as sad and painful as losing our boy was I feel like it helped me feel and get my head back into life. I’m numb from missing him but I’m awake for what’s important and feeling what’s healthy.

The hardest part is I just want to know what every plane of existence he’s on is that he’s ok.