Realizing How Much I Mask

I met a 14 year old who was diagnosed with autism early on. It was lovely, honestly. We talked about plants and animals and art, because we had a lot of similar special interests. But it made me realize how hard I was masking. At one point, she was squatted down looking through gravel to try to find cool rocks, and I wanted to get down there and look with her, but I was among people who only knows the masked version of myself. So I just sat there, and honestly felt a little jealous. I wasn't diagnosed until my mid twenties, and I think my mom is also undiagnosed autistic. So I was taught how 'not to act' around other people. I wish I could unlearn all of it and just squat down and enjoy looking at rocks instead of pretending I can keep up with a conversation where multiple people are talking.