With how strange my upbringing has been, what do you think is true?

I am most certainly not a “healthy” person. I have struggled with my sleeping schedule for five years, since the pandemic started. I have had depression and anxiety since I was nine. When I was nearing the end of eighth grade there were a series of odd, traumatic things my older brother did in the lead up to his breakdown (brother nearly hitting me with a tennis racket, brother leaving cum around the apartment a few times, brother cutting himself in the middle of the night when we slept in the same room with an aim of making a blood pact with a demon, brother leaving the oven on at our main apartment complex when we were temporarily staying in an old one, etc.) Brother came back home from rehab a month ago, after having been in it for years - he quit rehab. He is back at home, unemployed with no intent of doing anything with himself. My mother’s mental health has also greatly declined since November, and she has accused me often of having turned against her and sided with my aunt - she has said multiple times that everyone in the family is trying to have her killed. My mother goes on rants every day, and both of my parents have done violent things to one another. So no, I do not tend to feel good, in general. I am not a healthy person, which is to be expected. There was a period of time in life wherein I coddled my brother more, I was likely still that way at nineteen. Though seeing that he has spent his food stamps and general assistance money on a pedicure and food for himself as opposed to spending time at least searching for a job or even thinking of returning to community college, I think I’ve kind of given up on him, even though I know our parents abused him growing up (I never witnessed the worst of the abuse - I witnessed their emotional abuse, but I learned they physically abused him when I was very young later on.) I’ve just stopped romanticizing the past as much. I’m finally able to recognize that regardless of what potential he has or had, this is how his life has turned out. These are the choices he makes. I cannot, and will not, take care of him. I have finally accepted within the past month that I have to prioritize myself. I will never aim to take care of any of my family members.

Mom recently revealed that grandma sexually abused she and aunt. Mom was also harmed by a teacher and her cousin in childhood.

I was first approached by a man when I was 15, during the pandemic. I knew he found me sexually attractive. I was first approached by multiple men in general when I was in high school, about 16-17. I’m a black woman.

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