whats actually the fucking point

because i really dont fucking see one. I google search a simple thing like "how high up do i need to jump" and you get flooded with "There Is Hope" cancer. There isn't hope. I can tell you that. I have been alive for 24 years and its only gotten more miserable. I think back to the crying little kid i used to be and all the times i genuinely thought shit would get better. It doesnt. Abuse doesnt stop, bullying doesnt stop. There just more bullshit. Id rather be a kid again because I could either just kill myself and spare myself a lifetime of misery or i could just be blissfully unaware of how much worse things are going to get. I hate that i can't just fucking kill myself im just too much of a fucking pussy. If i knew 100% that I'd die, I'd do it. If someone handed me a magic gun that would kill me no matter what Id do whatever i could to take myself out. I dont care about whatever I "miss out" on. For every good thing theres 100 bad things. For every good day, theres a bad week/month/year. I pray every night that I dont wake up in morning and every fucking day i do. Life isnt fair. No one ever said it was, but i think im just someone destined to suffer. a proverbial animal in a slaughterhouse just born to live in pain and die slowly. fuck this shit man