A promise that I will keep

Sweet ___ ,

All of your actions tell me that you want nothing to do with me. I understand why you left. Hunny I do. You saw the bad in me come out, except this time, you couldn't find an excuse to give me. I must just be a miserable person because I don't love you. That is not true. I was miserable because of those demons, and the wounds from recently getting out of battle with them, they were not healed yet. This is not the salesman talking, this is your husband, and your soul mate. This is the father of our beautiful baby talking. I don't need you, I want you. I'll land on my feet eventually, but I don't want to walk through life without you by my side.

I was so broken, and you put up with so much heartache. I have healed so much, I finally was able to get out of the fog. The anxiety, the doubt, the anger, it's all gone. I am begging you to let ME save YOU this time. Let me save you from this idea that you aren't enough, that you must keep searching and searching, giving and giving in order to receive the kind of love you want. We were meant to find one another. You want safety, security, respect, admiration, loyalty, and affection. I can give you all of that.

I can forgive you for how you handled all of this, and you can forgive me for not getting the help I needed, sooner. I want to grow old with you and build a home, and go on vacations with our daughter, and before we grow old I want to be young and have some fun with you! Laugh and make love like we used to. Judge people when we go out and die over how crazy we are for all of this. Don't worry about what everyone will think, come home! Just come home, you can get your things from your parents after a few months of the heat dying off. We can figure out the details, but first just come home and sleep in our bed. I will not fault you for leaving, I'll greet you with open arms and a mind that understands you better than you do. I'll make dinner, I'll make it up to you in other ways, too. You can fall apart, I got you, I have no ulterior motive other than I want us to be happy.

If you end up seeing this, and you feel like you still love me...I am begging you to give me a sign. Because I cannot keep doing this. You think I'm out having fun without you, and I am not. Nothing but distractions because you two are ALL I think about every day and night. It's not an ultimatum, but this has been really traumatic and I need to move on if you really can't see a life with me anymore. It's crushing me babe, and if it's truly crushing you too...then stop this, because only you can. I promise that we will have the life that both of us dreamed of. The life we often talked about is waiting for us.

I love you and miss you deeply,

G