Long one sorry

I am sorry everyone I am still shaking a bit from this encounter I been with my narcissistic husband for 10 years now, long story short he has been making everything my fault for those 10 years, at first I believed him and I was truly losing my mind until I started recognizing the gaslighting, for economic reasons I can't leave, I been learning little by little how not to anger him but today I slipped and we had an argument obviously he thought I was the crazy one, we haven't fought in a while because I try to do everything he wants, I walk on eggshells around him, what made this time different was that I apologized to him on my knees I humiliated myself more than I ever had so I wouldn't be punished, I really can't take anymore, this pleased him but left me shaking for the rest of the night, I don't know how long I can keep on going