I'm ready to die

I keep posting in this fucking sub. I haven't gotten better and I won't get better. my meds don't work. My parents won't listen and I can't talk to my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him. I can't self harm because that would hurt him. If I'm gonna hurt him, I may as well just kill myself so I don't have to live through hurting him. I know he'll understand why I killed myself one day. I just need to figure out how to do it. My life is hopeless. The last time I self harmed my parents thought it was about school so they grounded me from crocheting and my boyfriend until I got caught up. Now I am grounded from my boyfriend for thirty days because I had sex with him. I hate my life and I just want to die. My parents will never truly love me