Seeing them with someone else when I do not want them

I’m [21F] and I talked to [25M] while I was at college. I’ve never had a boyfriend or introduced anyone to my parents. He was a bouncer at a place I went to with a couple of guys I knew who I ended up working with for a little while. He approached me, said hi and asked what my name was, got my number or Snapchat. We began hanging out mainly at my student living apartment that I shared with two roommates because he was moving. We talked the later end of summer and then once my classes were about to start again, he told me that he still had feelings for his ex and that he didn’t want to lead me on (which he already had done).

I was really upset because he was VERY attractive and flirty. Only thing we really had in common though was that I worked at a place he used to bounce, and we both liked working out. We also both smoked (I haven’t since New Years as my resolution). However, at the time I wasn’t meeting my priorities. I should’ve went home for the summer and been with family, rather than stayed in the college town acting a fool.

Few months later he sent me a message saying how he should’ve never talked to her again and how she used him. I said how I’m not sure what this has to do with me, and he said that he liked how I never did that to him. After a little while of sending a few pictures and basic conversations back and forth, he wanted to hang out again. We hung out, but I started to feel like a bum because it was kind of informal all the time. He seemed to like getting jobs that didn’t challenge him at all. Like, working at a casino and handing earnings to people. The last time we hung out, I slept over because I didn’t want to drive after we smoked, and didn’t feel good about doing it the next day. Soon after, I left his one image on open and he didn’t send anything after.

I just felt like there was no way it could go anywhere. Most of what I felt was just physical attraction or butterflies from flirting. There wasn’t anything deep about him.

College is the time when I’m supposed to be like preparing for my future, so being in some sort of talking stage with someone who hasn’t achieved much and also was kind of messy did not feel good. He was a little old for me I think too. In 4-5 years, I expect to have a good career and be way better off than him (sorry). Having stopped smoking, I feel much better now too. I don’t want to be with anyone who does. I was overtraining at the time and way too focused on my looks than how I felt at the time too.

I still have him on Snapchat and he looks great as always, but this year I really noticed how much looks aren’t everything (myself and in others). I’ve also decreased my social media use to almost 0. Tonight, he posted an image of him and a girl’s drinks at some bar. The maturity that it takes to look and not be bothered is significant. If it is a girl or the ex and not like his sister or something, it is annoying to see him with someone. Especially, because he never wanted to go anywhere or do something with me outside of his place or mine.

I just have to remember that there’s better, more successful men that I’ll meet. Also, my parents would not like me to be with someone with a shitty job (not saying because it pays bad, but because it relates to gambling and bouncing for bars isn’t much better) and I agree. It is a little odd how old he is too I guess. He is so attractive, but I have so many goals now. I want to read, do well in school, get that professional career, and make my family proud. I gotta focus on the priorities.

Anyone relate?