The Boy Who Loved Nathan MacKinnon
[DISCLAIMER: The following is a work of fiction. Don't read if you're sensitive or easily triggered. Enter at your own risk.]
Jesse was an elite college quarterback. A behemoth of a man, he stood six feet two inches and weighed 190 pounds. His sandy blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes also made him very popular with girls. For the past year, he had been in a steady relationship with a drama major named Ashley. Jesse was the hardest working athlete on his team, which was how he earned his important QB1 position. His coach knew he was destined for the NFL, but he probably wouldn't be drafted for another year.
During the off season his regular schedule was interrupted, which threw his whole life off kilter. He found himself doing things that he wouldn't normally do. This was how he ended up watching an NHL playoff game between the Colorado Avalanche and Dallas Stars. Jesse didn't consider himself a hockey fan, but he liked the continuous play and the rhythm of the sport. He was amazed by how the players could pass, score, fight, and a whole lot more while at the same time balancing on their thin skate blades. Jesse had tried ice skating once, but that didn't end well.
It wasn't too long before Jesse became totally engrossed in hockey. There was one player in particular who grabbed his attention. The announcer called him Nathan MacKinnon. When the camera panned to him in his #29 jersey, the dude looked fierce. If he had been a football player, then he probably would've been a quarterback or a running back. But Jesse felt something more than admiration for the guy. It was a feeling that he'd never felt for another man before. Something very, very dangerous.
After the game was over, Jesse googled Nathan MacKinnon and watched some of his highlights on YouTube. The next day, he bought a MacKinnon jersey from a sporting goods store and found a hockey magazine at Walmart that featured him on the cover. Jesse didn't know what came over him. He had never been enamored of a male athlete before, not even one who played his own sport. MacKinnon was built different. Although his height was average for an athlete, he looked a lot more muscular than his peers. His ferocious attitude and steely determination were also very endearing.
Maybe Jesse had always been gay and not known it. It wasn't something that you simply became. You were born that way, as Lady Gaga once said. Be that as it may, Jesse felt like a complete sicko for jacking off while he gazed at MacKinnon's poster that he taped to his wall in between magazine clippings of Patrick Mahomes and Joe Burrow. It would be another secret that he would take to his grave, along with the principal who grabbed his ass at his Catholic middle school and the prostitute who exposed herself to him at the train station.
Jesse knew what his old man would say. His father was an ultra-conservative asshole who had voted for another ultra-conservative asshole. They shared the same first name and last name. Jesse's parents had called him Jesse Jr. for most of his childhood. He wondered if his father would disinherit him if he told the old man he was gay. At least Jesse wouldn't get thrown out of his parents' house. His full athletic scholarship not only paid for his tuition, but it also allowed him to have his own off-campus apartment.
While fully engulfed by his sexual identity crisis, Jesse wondered of course if he could still continue playing football. What would the other guys think of him if they found out he was gay? It could get weird really quick in that locker room. He was naturally afraid that his coach would kick him off the team. Would he be an embarrassment to his university? But it was 2025. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he'd imagined. An actual NFL player had come out once, but he retired after only seven seasons. He left to focus on his business, or so he said.
Then there was Ashley. Jesse hated to break her heart, but maybe she would finally understand why he never felt ready to have sex with her. He tried to make her believe that he wanted to wait for marriage. Truth be told, he was saving himself for the right person, which deep down inside he knew wasn't her. At this point, he considered the possibility that he might never have been straight, even when they started dating. He read somewhere that sexuality was in fact a fluid characteristic that often changed over time.
Jesse knew he would have to have a talk with Ashley. They met early the next morning at the Viking Café on campus. Despite the time, she was still bright-eyed and greeted him with a polite smile. She was wearing that trendy Gucci Flora perfume, which seemed to be very popular these days. After Jesse paid for their americanos, they found a table beside a window.
"Thanks for getting up so early," Jesse began.
"If this is about moving in together, then I won't be able to get out of my lease for another two months," she said.
"No, it's not that. There's something you should know about me." He paused for a moment, trying to think of the right thing to say. He wanted to let her down gently. "I think maybe…I might be into guys."
"It's okay, Jesse," she reassured him. "I already knew that."
"You knew? Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I loved you, and I kinda liked the fact that there weren't any pictures of naked girls on your walls. You never tried anything stupid with me. I always felt safe with you."
"So…I guess this is goodbye," Jesse assumed.
"No, it isn't. We can still be friends, like Will and Grace."
"Yeah, like Will and Grace."
They finished their coffee and got up from their table. After they recycled their cups, he gave her a really long hug. Then he wished her well before he went back to his apartment.
Jesse felt super relieved after his last date with Ashley. Nevertheless, it was his teammates that he worried about the most. Football was his life, and he longed for a career in the NFL. So he messaged his coach and all the players on the team through WhatsApp. They met in their equipment room later that day. Everyone gathered around and sat in a circle on the floor.
"Guys, I have to tell you something," said Jesse.
"Are you leaving the team?" a tight end named Jack wondered.
"You're moving to Toronto, aren't you?" Will the linebacker asked.
"He's already the quarterback, so it can't be a promotion," said the coach.
"No guys, it's none of that," Jesse told them. He still couldn't bring himself to say the G word. Like most other Gen Z guys, he hated labels. "I don't know how to say this. I guess I'm not like the rest of you. I just realized something about myself the other day. I'm actually …not into women."
The room became so quiet that they could've heard a pin drop. A minute later, Jesse's coach finally broke the silence.
"Jesse, if you think you can just quit this team, then you're nuts," said the coach. "We're not losing you. I wouldn't even care if you were a Satanist. You're staying, and that's that!"
"Yeah, man," said Lucas, who was a wide receiver. "Did you mistake us for a bunch of closed-minded rednecks?"
"Well, I wasn't sure how you guys would react," admitted Jesse. "Some environments can be very hostile or downright unsafe for LGBT people. Men like me are still being executed in Saudi Arabia and Iran."
"Well, it's a good thing we live here," said Jack.
"You can stay on the team as long as you want," the coach assured Jesse. "but whether you feel safe or not is entirely up to you."
"Thanks, coach," Jesse beamed.
"Bring it in guys!" exclaimed Will.
The guys huddled together and placed their fists in the centre of their circle. Then they pumped their fists in the air while they shouted "Hawks!" It was the name of their football team. After the huddle, they dispersed and went about their off-season lives.
A million different thoughts rushed through Jesse's head all at once. He was on a roll, so he might as well just rip off the bandage. Seizing the moment, he hopped into his Mazda Miata convertible. He drove to his father's law office, trying not to exceed the speed limit in his sudden state of euphoria. Then he parked in front of the brick building and marched into the reception area. His father's paralegal tried to dissuade him from interrupting the old man because he was in a Teams meeting. Jesse ignored her, making a bee line to the curmudgeon's office.
When Jesse burst open the door, his father stood up in shock. The tension was so palpable. You could cut it with a knife. Sensing his son's need for a serious discussion, Jesse Sr. graciously told his client that he needed to end the meeting and logged off his computer.
"Is everything all right, son?" the old man asked.
"We need to talk, Dad," said Jesse.
"What is it, Jesse?"
"I'm gay, Dad. I'm fucking gay!"
Posted May 5, 2025, 2:04 AM UTC