I Feel Used and Confused in My Relationship—Is It Worth Saving?

Hi Reddit,
I never thought I’d be the kind of person to post here asking for advice, but here I am confused, hurt, and not sure what to do.

So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two months (our two month mark is coming up soon), and for a while, I really thought everything was going well.

A week before we officially started dating, I hooked up with someone else. I understand now that I probably shouldn’t have, but at the time, we weren’t together, and I genuinely didn’t know what was happening cause we were talking for so long so I thought it might just be a situationship. Then, a week later, he asked me out, and I said yes.

Since we started dating, I’ve been completely loyal. When I’ve gone out with friends, and a guy or girl would come up to me I’ve always turned them down. When my friends joked about “getting back on the streets for summer,” I shut it down immediately I told them I thought I was falling in love. And I meant it. I thought about him constantly always wondering things like if he was having a good day at work, if he was being treated fairly. I was emotionally invested and genuinely saw myself falling in love with him.

But recently, everything shifted.

He started a new job, and I noticed he was being distant. I’m not the type to need 24/7 attention I even told him I support him prioritizing his career. But his communication dropped drastically. He was sending one message or one Snapchat a day, and I noticed he was active on social media while I was left on delivered for 18+ hours. Naturally, I felt confused and a bit hurt.

When I asked to talk about it, it wasn’t to accuse him it was just because I wanted to understand why the sudden shift. He ended up coming over, and that day we had sex, showered together, ate, cuddled, and even talked about our future. He was smiling and engaged everything felt fine.

Then, after all of that , he brought up the guy I hooked up with before we started dating. It completely blindsided me.

I apologized, and I tried to explain that we weren’t together at the time. Not to excuse it, but because he was comparing it to cheating which I don't believe it was. I asked him when he found out, and he said he’s known for almost a month. Meaning, during this whole time while still being intimate with me, smiling in my face, making plans he was holding this inside. He told me it was eating him up.

But here's the thing: I’ve always said that communication  is non-negotiable for me. I told him that from the start. If he had just talked to me when he found out, we could’ve worked through it, or at least had an honest conversation. Instead, I feel like he used me physically while emotionally detaching, and now I feel dirty and used. Especially because he only brought it up after we’d just been physically not even 10 mins after we did the deed.

After that conversation, we went on a “break” his decision but he said he still wanted to be with me. Since then, he’s gotten even more distant. I’m left on delivered for a day or more, and I can’t help but feel like he only talks to me now out of obligation.

What really hurts is that when he shared how he felt, I listened. I apologized and validated his feelings. But when I tried to explain mine, it felt like he disregarded them completely. And the times he would see say jokes like “ur a hoe,” or “u got a loose hole” which I just shrug off even though it would kinda be in the back of my mind that he thinks of me like that . I didn’t expect that from someone I was falling in love with.

I messaged him today asking if we could talk in person because I feel like I never really processed everything, especially after being intimate. I still have so much to say and understand.

So, I’m stuck. A part of me wants to stay with him. But another part of me is screaming that:

• He withheld something important for a month.
• He continued being physically intimate while secretly resenting me.
• He didn’t give me a chance to explain before labeling me and pulling away.
• He’s now distancing himself emotionally and barely communicating.

My friend told me these are red flags not just because he was hurt, but because of how he handled that hurt. And I somewhat agree.

I don’t know what to do. I’m lost, and I feel broken. Is there even a point in trying to save this?