I realized I have no friends when I was trying to plan my birthday

I’m mostly just wanting to vent because it hit me earlier today just how little friends I have. I turn 30 on Mother’s Day this year and I’m pregnant for the first time. The pregnancy wasn’t planned and the timing sucks since I can’t really celebrate my 30th how I wanted but we are excited none the less.

I decided to do something small like a brunch with my close family and friends on Mother’s Day and I thought it would be a cute way to celebrate both my birthday and the holiday as a new mom. Instead of trying to get a table on a busy day for eating out my boyfriend suggested we host at our apartment. I then realized as I’m getting a head count one of my best friends said she would be working, one will be out of town with her husband, and another one of my close friends doesn’t live here anymore. I would be having brunch with my dad, his gf, my mom, and my boyfriend. I let everyone I wanted to invite know about my plans a few weeks ago to make sure they had a heads up just fyi.

My bf is having his friends and coworkers over the night before to have a cookout/fight night for my birthday. My one friend that will be in town is off, but I feel like she doesn’t even want to come since parties aren’t really her thing and she goes to bed pretty early for work the next day. Im really grateful for my bf being sweet enough to set up a party for me to help me celebrate, but I can’t help but feel embarrassed that I won’t have any friends of my own there. On top of that I’m older than my boyfriend and his friends so I feel like it makes it worse.

I know I have it better than others and I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining since it’s not like I have zero friends. I think it’s hitting me so hard because I used to have a friend group that had a falling out a couple of years ago. They are also SAHMs and I wish I could have the same group during this phase of my life, but it’s just not possible with the drama that broke us all apart. They went all out for my 27th so I know this year would be no different because we made the time to do things like that for each other. I am grateful for the friends I have and I do love them. Ig I’m just upset my boyfriend and parents are the only ones making an effort to celebrate with me when this birthday is already not going how I imagined it would a year ago as it is.

Anyways pitty party over. Maybe someone can relate, or maybe someone will tell me I’m just being hormonal and emotional over nothing and will get over it 😅