I feel like I’m spiraling and need advice

I told myself today would be the day I stop drinking, again. Check my history, I even commented into today’s check in. May 4th was gonna be my sobriety date, what a day.

I’m laying in bed after drinking 3 high ABV IPAs, I start an intense job training program for 14 weeks tomorrow which I should NOT be hungover for to start. I “decided” I wanted to stop drinking months ago, at first I could go two almost three weeks without a drink, but the last couple of weeks I’ve gone three or for days before driving to my trust gas station to grab some singles. I’ll even open up the drinks while I’m still driving the 4 minute ride back home, chugging the first to have it empty before I’m parked in my driveway.

I simply lack the motivation and desire to stop drinking. “Once I start my job training program it’ll motivate me stop, this is my last night to enjoy myself” I tell myself. I don’t see Myself dying from alcoholic anytime soon, so who cares if I ruin my quality of life tomorrow for the few hours of enjoyment tonight? No AA meetings to go to in my area (I live very rural) and I’ve told my loved ones about my desire to stop drinking, but damn I’m good at hiding and lying to those I care about. I didn’t have my first alcoholic beverage until I was 24, I’m 25 now. I want to be that person that was always sober again. I want my life back. I want to enjoy the morning sunshine without the hangover.