I am the child born after adoption

I don’t know where to start because its feels so emotionally loaded and complicated beyond what i could even comprehend myself..

When my mother was 17 she was SAd and fell pregnant as a result. She came from a Christian family so naturally there was alot of shame. She did not reveal how she got pregnant immediately as far as i know. They basically let her know that her option was give the baby up for adoption or be on the street. My mom was an insecure people pleaser so did what her parents wanted and an open adoption through a Christian adoption agency was done.

She had her baby for 10 days - nursed her and loved her with the time she had. Then she went to her new family. Long story short the adoptive family did not honour the open adoption….

6 years later i was born. Through a one night stand my mom was 23 when she got pregnant with me.. she was determined to keep me…. My whole existence i knew of my older sister and the circumstances of the whole situation…

8 years ago the daughter did ancestry DNA and connected with our family members. She lives a few hours away. Over the years there has been some correspondence but never an official plan to meet.

In december out of an act of love i reached out to my sister and asked her out right if she was ever intending to meet my mom. She gave me a wishy washy answer about logistics. Which gave me the impression that it wasnt going to happen. Because imo if she wanted to meet it would have happened years ago.

Fast forward to a month ago she reached out to my mom to arrange a meeting.

My mom called me and mentioned it and regrettably I mentioned that i has asked her about it months ago and was glad she finally made some moves

My mom lost it on me. She screamed at me telling me i ruined everything- that now she will never know if her birth daughter is meeting her genuinely or because i interfrred. And if it doesnt go well its all my fault.

So now they have a plan to meet- im not included in fact my mom isn’t including anyone.

Im feeling numb - lost and confused